You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
