I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My dick has a subreddit
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
