That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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