cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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