i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
