I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
