I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
