Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
