I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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