my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
