covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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