The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
