i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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