At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
