apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
