I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
