So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
