I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
