It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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