no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
