I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Sorry about my life...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
