Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
