overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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