there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
