Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
