my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
