it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
