You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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