My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
