So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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