God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Randomize
