Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize