They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
