We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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