I heard we made out
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize