please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
only you would photoshop your dick
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize