I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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