are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
