my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
