i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
