Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize