hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
