I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize