girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
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