Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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