You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
