just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I party with great urgency now.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
