i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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