Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
