Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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