Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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