I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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