apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
