I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
