i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
