i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Sext me about skeletons
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
