she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
