I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
