its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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