Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
This is the high leading the old right now
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
