I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
