She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
