a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
