We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
