we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
