Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
