dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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