I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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