Your face is a jimmy john
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize