dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
