he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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