I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
honey bunches of taint.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
