I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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