I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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