I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
