...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
